Confession - Emotionally Unstable
Please don’t ask me what happen. I myself couldn’t figure it out. Things have been getting out of its way and I am tangling upside down. For the past few days, I couldn’t control my temper. This minute I can be laughing hysterically and the next minute I can be very mad. Though I look very happy around you guys but deep down in my heart I am feeling very depress and sad.
I have been lying and acting in front of you guys especially those in Malaysia. Whenever you ask how my life is, I will tell you that I am fine, adapting to the life here and I am enjoying myself. In fact, I am not used to it yet. I always tell my dad that I am fine but the truth is I am not fine at all.
I feel so empty and lifeless. Parents and siblings are not by my side and you guys out there are mostly back to Malaysia. I really miss your company so much.
I show my bad temper whenever I am angry. I don’t use to do this unless I am really pissed off. I have been having problem with my sleep. Maybe is because of the bed or just because I am still not use to sleeping alone.
Before I went to bed yesterday, I feel so lonely and out of a sudden, I started crying. I feel like going home. I am being influenced by my friends. Everyone will be officially leaving Sheffield on 15 October. They won’t be around here anymore and there will be less entertainment and noise.
This morning, when I wake up, I cried again. I really don’t like being alone. I really hate dinner time. I have to eat in my room alone watching drama. I wish I could eat at home with my grandma, dad, mum, pk and kl. I am getting fed up with my same old routine which is wake up, blog, read news, study, eat, and watch drama and sleep. I practically do all this things alone all by myself.
I wish there is someone by my side each time when I wake up to give me a hug or to quarrel with me. I can’t find anyone that I can actually talk to face to face. I have been hiding a lot of my problems lately and I won’t tell anyone about it.
I really hope that I can move on without thinking about those tiny matters.
PhuiSan
p/s: Don’t worry about me as I will be fine soon. Cheers.
posted by phuisan @ 03:21
1 Comments:
gal, i really know how you feel.I understand your loneliness and the strange feel of being alone abroad. But try to think in the other way, you got to overcome all of this feeling and concentrate on your studies, you will never want to disappoint your parents hope, right? and just like i told you, you are pursuing your own dream, which is your choice. Try your best to overcome it. Don't hide your feeling, talk to us when you need it. Still remember? i mentioned that i will alwayz available for you when you need me. Give me a message or call and i will talk to you. And, if you really feel sad, depress, cry out loud as you need, dun hide your feeling, it is ok to cry, just like you laugh when you are happy. Try to do your best and live out your life in UK, ok?
miss you
v loads of hugs and kisses
joo
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